Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
