Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
