I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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