people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
