There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're like the curious george of whores
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
