I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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