Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
