Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
