I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
