I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
