yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
