is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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