Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
