i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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