it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
