Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
