just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
