Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
