Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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