as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
