i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
