If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
