is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
