you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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