You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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