I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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