i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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