we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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