He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This house was built for laser tag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
