genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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