I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
