I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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