What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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