I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
