Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
