her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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