and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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