i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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