I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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