how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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