The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
