Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
