i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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