but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
