you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish my penis had a tongue
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
