Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
