Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
