Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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