K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
