i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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