"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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