Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
