Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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