I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
