If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
